Latest Victim of CIA/Blackwater Assassins?

We don’t know for certain, but it appears that the CIA/Blackwater assassins have taken their latest victim. Mohammad Imran was sitting at a bus stop in Danda Village when three foreign agents approached him and gunned him down for passing ‘insulting’ remarks against the holy prophet (PBUH) during a discussion at a village café.

I say that we don’t know for certain only because there is absolutely no actual evidence of CIA/Blackwater involvement in this case. But based on what we have learned from such luminaries as Hafiz Saeed, Maulana Hasan, and Hamid Gul, we are able to know that CIA/Blackwater agents are responsible for killing those such as Salmaan Taseer and Shahbaz Bhatti who are against the blasphemy law.

This is obviously due to the intense Muslim piety of CIA/Blackwater agents who cannot stand to hear any insults passed against our Prophet (PBUH). It also explains why, despite the country crawling with Raymond Davis’s out hunting blasphemers and their sympathizers, the leaders and supporters of groups like Jamaat-i-Islami, Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam, and Jamaat-ud-Dawa can walk the streets safely. They know they will never be touched by the CIA/Blackwater assassins who share their beliefs.

Thanks to these wise men, we know that CIA/Blackwater only targets Pakistani liberals. When those liberals get too out of hand and become ‘liberal extremists’, then the CIA/Blackwater assassins take out their Glocks and their masks and set out to kill them in cold blood.

I know there has been some confusion about this thanks to the propaganda of these ‘liberal extremists’ in the media. Thankfully, some brave souls in media are willing to tell the truth. Shireen Mazari speaks out against the “so-called ‘westernised elite’ [who come] out to protest and hold vigils for those murdered by alleged religious extremists but fails to act in a similar fashion to protest the killing of innocent people by drones in Fata, or the regular kidnappings and abuse of Hindus in Sindh.”

Exactly right, Dr Mazari. Thank you for having the courage to recognize in black and white that it is ridiculous to accuse religious extremists for murdering people. We all know that religious extremists in Pakistan would never murder anyone, it is only CIA/Blackwater that murders innocent people. Lashkar-e-Taiba and Sipah-e-Sahaba are merely youth development clubs for practising English and good manners! Hindus are truly lucky to have such a bold defender as Shireen Mazari looking out for them.

It also explains why certain ‘intelligence sources‘ have been able to see the foreign hand at work at in the assassination of Minister Shahbaz Bhatti. As it was explained in Jang, these foreign agents made a fatal mistake by using the name Tehrik-e-Taliban Punjab. First of all, everyone knows that there are no killers in Punjab which is populated only by angels. Besides, the intelligence sources looked through their contact list of militant groups and could find no Tehrik-e-Taliban Punjab registered.

The excellent evidence was also given that Shahbaz Bhatti’s killers “threw on the road the pamphlets with Kalma-e-Tayyaba printed on them and also the name of the holy Prophet Mohammad (Peace Be Upon Him) after killing Shahbaz Bhatti. No Muslim can ever think of dropping on ground such sacred material however”.

This is clearly true. No Muslim can ever think of dropping on the ground such sacred material. Hizb-ut-Tahrir spokesman Imran Yousafzai was clearly mistaken when we sent a press release saying,

Hizb ut-Tahrir has distributed hundreds of thousands of pamphlets in its campaign for Khilafat rallies, thousands of stickers, posters and poll cards have been pasted; thus this message has been already delivered to thousands of people.

No, it must be a mistake. Or a CIA/Blackwater plant. Or RAW. Certainly RAW is involved.

What is not a mistake, though, is that it has become unsafe to sit at the bus stop because you never know when a CIA/Blackwater assassin is going to shoot you for insulting the Prophet (PBUH). It has become unsafe to attend a Shia procession because CIA/Blackwater suicide bombers can not stand for partisans in their midst.

In fact, the safest thing for any Pakistani to do is to grow a beard, join your local lashkar, and support the establishment of a new caliphate. Because it seems this is the only way to stay out of the sights of the CIA/Blackwater terrorists who so much hate Pakistani liberals.

Right Fazlur Rehman?